For almost ten years after I lost my wife Carol, my evenings had a particular sound to them. Silence. A TV I wasn’t really watching. A Sunday phone call with one of my kids “warm, loving, and over in twenty minutes” and then silence again.

Carol was the social one. She kept the calendar full, remembered everyone’s birthdays, spotted the concert in the paper and said *we should go*. When I lost her, I didn’t just lose my wife. I lost the whole architecture of our social life.

My son is in Dallas. My daughter is in Tampa. They call every week without fail, and I’m grateful for that. But there’s a kind of loneliness that lives right alongside regular contact with people who love you. I wasn’t looking for a support group. I was looking, though I wouldn’t have said it this way at the time, for something to belong to again.

I found Aging Successfully. And then I found the Klatches.

Within a few weeks I was in a weekly group with other Charlotte Hornets fans, people who know the history, argue about fourth-quarter substitutions, and still believe in the rebuild. I hadn’t talked basketball like that in years. I also joined an American History group, and it turns out I have a lot to say about the Civil War and Reconstruction when someone’s interested in hearing it. I’m eyeing the woodworking Klatch next.

Here’s what still surprises me: the people I look forward to seeing every week live in Phoenix, Pittsburgh, Vermont. Real friends I’ve never been in the same room with. That still sounds strange to say out loud, but it’s true.

Nine years is a long time to live in a smaller world. I’m done with that.

*Mark Fisher, 65, lives in Charlotte, NC. He’s a member of the Charlotte Hornets Klatch and the American History discussion group.